Cairo - Why not to go?

Egypt gets an amazing number of tourist every year. Since Wikipedia, my research partners, do not have a number, let us assume that to be about 4 million. But than it could be any other. My phone number or the passport number without the alphabets. Or we can continue with the amazing number description.

Anyhow, the number is largely irrelevant.

The idea of travelling in Egypt conjures up images of lithe, lissome nubile babes, dressed in diaphanous cotton, carrying salvers of grapes giving meaningful glances with their kohl lines eyes. Full moon nights the whole month round. And then the adventures, of being chased by poorly bandaged ghouls across a dark desert lit by the aforesaid moon.

Fewer visions are farther from truth.

Stepping out of the Cairo airport, I was left with a sense of great bewilderment. How on earth could a civilization, which gave us the Pyramids, King Tut and Brandon Fraser a career, agree to have an airport which look and behaves like an overturned trash can. Just think of it as a nightmare or maybe a bad omen of things to come.

The modern Egypt shows its continuity with the old in its taxis. Relics of an era bygone, they represent a time closer to the invention of the automobile than the present. Most of the cars are old Fiats. But I guess no sooner than I publish this, the Chinese government, reading this post, will take over the public transport system.

Now, before we go to my usual hedonistic "sthayi stambh" - or the permanent pillars of my blogs ie food, women and sights' let me enlighten you on three most common tourist traps. I fell into all of them

Belly Dance: Isn't it obvious. When in Egypt, belly dance not balle balle. So I take my pointers, from well meaning hosts, and head out.
There is a stretch of girlie bars on aptly named 'Al Haram Street' but then enough websites talk of them being rip offs. The genteel class heads to the clubs in the five star hotels - the Hilton, the Westin, the Sofitel and the Conrad. All located within 5 mins of each other. So I head for the Hilton. Book before you go, so I am told to come at 1145 pm. Late, but what the heck. Once there, an obvious tourist trap - no cover charge but you've got to eat or drink. I shun the food and ask for a drink and fruits- a double whiskey with soda for US$ 88. Food would've meant over $120. I enjoy my drink listening to some local band on a karaoke. half an later, I'm still listening to them. On inquiry, I'm told that the belly dancer comes in at 2 am. I get up, complain of terrible health, plead for a discount and pay the waiters hush money so that they don't raise a bill and step out. In my business, you need to do this a lot. It's called cutting your losses. Later, research reveals that belly dancers usually start around that hour of the day or night.

Museum: The next day I head off for the Cairo Museum. Among other pieces, it houses the sarcophagus of King Tut. It was nice and all that. They have a royal mummy section. You pay 100 Egypt Pounds to get in to see that section. And most people do that. Don't. All bandages look same and stink equally.

Again, there are more precious Egyptian treasures in the Parisian and London museums than in Cairo

The Pyramids of Giza. They're not the trap. Getting there is the trap. Each hotel has an early morning bus leaving for a half hour tour of the pyramids. But since the bus is full of old German's and package tourism violates the code of ethics of the intrepid traveller, I choose to take the way less travelled.

Post the Museum, I take the Egyptian subway (yes it exists and quite wonderful too) to the terminal at Gizeh. I meet this really friendly teacher from Alexandria and his Son who I quickly teach some words of Hindi and we discuss Amitabh Bachchan and Rajiv Gandhi. The teacher is taking his son to the Pyramids. And since the usual way is full of touts, he is going the way locals do - by bus. I thank the Egyptian pantheon for their wonderful offspring and we take the bus. We get off the bus and reach a small village where my friend introduces me to another friend who hires our camels and horses for only 600 pounds. Wonderful, only that the trip from the hotel with the Germans would've been at half that and come with a free lunch.
Quickly wisening up, I realize I've to cut my losses. I get up and walk out. Long story short, I did get on a horse, which is an event for me, since I didn't get on one even when I was getting married. The whole trip cost me around 300 pounds and to make it value for money, I sat on the animal for almost two hours and came back with a migraine.
If you are headed for a much advised against holiday in Egypt, take the package tour. The bus stop is at the Pyramids.

Now the usual suspects

Food: Naguib Mahfouz the man was a Cairo institution, getting the Nobel prize for Literature. His legacy lives in the restaurant run by Oberoi's in the Khan-El-Khalili bazaar. Their lamb tagine is very recommended, though not by me. I am extra appreciative of their rendition of the Umm Ali and the Kunefe.

I also had some Lebanese take aways from a local chain, whose name slips my mind now. They'd a good shawarma and brilliant falafel

A forgettable officious lunch was a Peking, a Chinese ( what else?) restaurant, whose interpretation of kungpao chicken with cashew had a bad case of lost in translation.

More memorable was the dinner at Grand Hyatt's Indian restaurant. Mughlai was meant to be paired with Scotch and soda. History don't tell us this (but I've discovered nonetheless) that the primary reason of British occupation of India was the pairing of British Whiskey's, brought by Sir Thomas Roe, with the good grub from Jahangir's kitchen.

Shopping: Unless you're a German retiree reading this (Sind sie ein deutscher Rentner, der dieses liest? Warum?) you should not shop in Egypt. Everything made in Egypt is cheaper in China. The genuine sarcophagus with ancient hieroglyphics is actually made in the Great March of Thousand Soldiers Factory of Guangdong and the heiros are few of the over 50000 characters which make up the Chinese language.

The only shop worth visiting is Mobaco, which has fantastic clothes. This is a not to be missed even if the choice is between Pyramids and Mobaco.

So that was my three day in Cairo. I would've liked the place, but the whole place has taken tourism beyond the commercial and into the chicane. The modern day Cairo retains only the pyramids from its glorious past. And they too look tired.

Addis Ababa - This is where is started

i get to see a lot of quirky and out of place stuff in my travels and this trip is no different. so belt up for the travelogue

first halt was dubai airport. where i kept my cleanliness record of logging in a shower ever since i discovered it in the business class lounge. travel tip - always try and get a shower and s**t when on a long haul flight. another travel tip - always go to the handicap toilet. they're built like small cubicles where you can carry your hand carry stuff

addis ababa airport called the bole airport named after the village on which it was built. which is good in a way that's it's not named after some long forgotten leader. in addis everything is 15 minuts from bole road. which is about 10 km long.

addis has a large italian population - and genuine italian restaurants run by italian families serving very good food. i ate at castellis' which is supposed to be the best in africa

addis also has a huge yugoslav embassy and a personal palance of president tito. neither tito not yogoslavia exist - one is dead the other all broken up

i saw a lot of lada's which were russian version of the 60's fiat. the car has immense scrap value - becuase russia didn't have the tech to make thin cold roll steel so they made on large thickness steel to make their cars. not seen lada's anywhere else

then the last king haile selassie who was killed by the marxists in 60's - this guy was supposed to be a direct descendant of queen sheba's flirtations and lack of protection with king solomon. head of the rasta fari cult - made famous by bob marley. and his rastafarians

rastafarians come from jamaica and they've a simple philosophy. a man who smokes ganja lives happy and doesn't hurt. so they have huge opium farms in south of ethiopia, smoke, eat, sleep and do this endlessly. life is very easy there. i wouldn't mind doing it but there just a limit on how much reggage i can listen to

ethiopians have 13 months in a year with one month of 5 days (6 in leap year). they tell their time differently - as per them time should begin to count once the sun pops out and it should start with 1. so if you ever ask an ethiopian for the time, make sure you ask the person behind him as well

beyonce was in addis 3 days before i did and 17000 people showed up for her at $120 a ticket.

i also heard two very interesting comments - it is very expensive to be poor. the average ehtiopian pays $0.5 for a meal and sugar is $650/mt when it shouldn't be over $ 350. rice is double what is should be too

i could go on. some stuff depresses as it makes life seem very meaningless. but then the essence remains same. you run till you rest. or become a rastafarian. free resident visa in ethiopia and jamaica

Yemen Part II

So with all this information you are ready to land in Yemen. Not a wise choice, but then if that's what puts the soda in the whiskey, that's what it'll be. Like they say in french.. if you want french fries, grow potatoes.

The arabic word for a gateway or a door is 'Bab'. So we have Bab Al this and Bab al That. Now presenting, and not to be missed set of puns follow. Click here to skip the jokes

What is the door to Bob Cristo's house called
- Bab al Bob
What will The Doors be called if they were a Yemeni band
- Babs
What nursery rhyme has led to addled brains among yemeni kids
- Baba baba black sheep. (door door black sheep - does this make sense!!!)

Most middle eastern countries have an old market - called Souq. The souq is a treasure trove of great food, extremely warm people and great finds. A visit is a must. There is a Bab al Yemen in the old Souq and it's a great photo op. Another great souq is the Hammidiyeah in Damascus, which serves a really mean cuisine. Subhan Allah

In one of my travels, I happened to stay at Sheraton Aden, which has a nice Indian restaurant. The dinner there (and others too) have made me conclude that the best way to wash down Indian food (made of any paneer, chicken, dal makhani, navratan kofta and onion), is a Johnnie Walker Red Label with Lehar Soda. I've burped many meals and their memory is enough to add inches to my girth.

On a different note, i've not been able to pair Idli & Dosa with any liquor. Suggestions are welcome.

Now, the other city is Aden, made famous by Dhirubhai's stay there. Aden has a large Indian migrant population called Adeni Indians.

Apart from this naturalized Indians is a large expat population. And doing all sorts of jobs. A city in the mountains Tai'z has an Indian doctors run hospital and loads of Indian professionals working for a Yemeni group. Hodeidah has over 400 Indian families, working with small time local businesses.

This is not your rich diaspora of South London, or the IIM passouts in California or Singapore or even the MCAs punching in code in their 4 sq ft of lifetime. This is a set which left India for better times and landed in Yemen. Staying at home wouldn't have been an option. I met a teacher (tambrahm - who else) retired from a government college in chennai in a flight from Sana'a to Aden. The gent was over 50, had left his wife and daughter in Chennai and had been working in a local college for the last three years. Clearly money was better here. He was returning from India and dear wife had packed him all sorts of chutney and masalas. He also carried a new paid of Bata slippers. We talked a lot and he kept calling me 'Saar'. I was truly amazed.

Then there were the waiters and bell boy in Aden, the shipping guys in Hodeida and the professionals in Ta'iz. In their split family units, this set really brings out a man's struggle to bring better time for his family. And I don't think the wife has it any better at home.

Now to food. The two civilization which are still hostile to dead animals are the Yemeni and the Bangladeshis. Both have an avaracious appetite for meat and fish, and both masticate with such venegance, as if any less and the animal will walk away.

The Yemeni cuisine comprises killing the animal or fish with bare hands, guns, daggers all allowed. burning it to the bones and then eating it with the most heavenly bread known to mankind. Yes. The Yemeni bread, is an acquantaince of the Na'n only much lighter and layered and sprinkled with black sesame seed. It remains a mystery that a nation so deprived of basis culinary skills can come up with a bread like Malooj.

To women. Not much. All covered and appearing as small black tents on wheels. This country is heavily into Purdah and honor killing. So I didn't find out much.

Lastly Erotica. The Taj Awsan in Hodeida, subscribes to a cable network which illustrates kamasutra as practised by Germans every night 11 pm till the morning prayers. So all engineering graduates, book your tickets now. Direct flight on Yemenia from Mumbai to Sana'a and then a short ride on the hills to Hodeida.

Yemen: Yo!

Yemen starts where Saudi Arabia ends. Or it could be the looming landmass, witnessed when held captive by the somali pirates, off the Gulf of aden.

This country has never had anyone who won the noble prize, the academy awards, olympics or any international level accolades. Some of us might remember USS Cole which was bombed while refuelling at Aden. Even that distinction was later passed to the Sudanese government. in fact, while researching (ahem!) for this blog (which is why it is coming four months after the travel), i came across the name of Akram Abdullah. This gent lost his final 16 taekwondo bout to a person 17 cm taller than him. Mr Abdullah was the shortest olympian in 2000 olympics. Apparently, the idea of superior reach was not available to his coaches.

This country has sea on one side and saudi arabia on the other. and yet its only oil field gives out 500bpd. Agriculture is limited to producing Qat, which is a distant cousin of Marijuana and is chewn not smoked. 40% of agricultural water goes to irrigating Qat beating Coffee and other Cash Crops. Thanks to Wikipedia, i also know that between 1970 and 2000 area under Qat production grew from 8000 hectares to 103000. Locals believes it makes them comfortable and sexy. two adjectives which cannot go together.

In the Global Gender Index, which measures the progress of women in a society through their representation in government and other public bodies, Yemen ranked 128. A grand total of 128 countries were surveyed

The Yemeni Ministry of Education, asked the parents of school children questions to gauge their readiness to coach their kids. One of them was - what is the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (the one across the border - with the oil). One of the respondents, thoughtfully answered - A Soap.

The above two are published in the in flight magazine of Yemenia. The only airlines which allowed its passangers to carry daggers and an occasional Kalashnikov (as long as ammunition was checked in or at least kept in the safe custody of the crew), till late 90s. They've never been hijacked.

So with the above information, I landed with a sense of trepidation and other big words, at Sana'a in 2007. Since then I've been there thrice and totally love the country.

Yemen, missed the women's touch and they're not missing it. Men dress and smell as they would like to. Other men don't bother or compare. Most have done away with some part of the body. A missing eye or hand or at least a few teeth are considered fashionable. All men carry daggers (at least the scabbard) and consequently six inch scars goes as body art.

While travelling, one should be aware of the risk of kidnapping, which is quite common. The only side effect is a severely increased BMI. Most kidnapper turn out to be dreadful hosts, not much unlike visting mothers, insisting that their wards are in poor health and torture by overstuffing.

So I leave you at this cliffhanger moment. In the next post we look at the women, the food and the civilization. Also the naughty pleasures at Taj Awsan.

Not Just Desserts - Dining in Dubai

Dubai is the original sin city. for portly sindhis in pink shirts, mallus in multicolor shorts and middle aged russians in nothing much really.

This heaven of hedonism has got whacked by the recession. You can actually catch a cab on the streets even for the bur dubai - deira route which a year back was rarer than sighting the halley's comet twice in a life time.

this post reviews the new airport, opened in november and a few dining options.

the new airport is built is the same space where there could have been four, a small country and an intergalactic bus stand, and still some room to squeeze.

it is vast and unmarked. ram gopal verma is working on a remake of karan arjun, currently called ram gopal verma ke karan arjun, about, you guessed it, twins who get lost while trying to catch air india flight to trivandrum and end up meeting thirty years later. As reincarnations of themselves.

the place is colored in pastel green, white and orange and has pillars studded with crystals. the man who built it also did the airports of paris, manila and jakarta. i'm not sure, if he wore his brief, but he was clearly not trying to prove a point. more likely the creative team was done in by the the client guys who kept asking for something brighter and bigger.

so if you can appreciate a monument to wastefulness and bling, do fly emirates.

Dining in Dubai is always something I look forward to. Not because it is fantastic, but because it has the potential. Rarely does it live up to the possibilities.

Think of a confluence of spices, regions with great culinary traditions, chefs employed with little regard to expenses and it is but natural that my taste buds get all erect. But jeevan ka yahi reet hai.

Asha's @ Wafi city: After Ms Bhosle of Piya tu ab to aajaa... Once it was fantastic. When I went there for the first time in 2007, I'd lamb kebab and their signature haryale baigan. I cried. The food was beyond fantastic. I could've taken a bullet and died there. The second time, six months later, i could've personally killed the cook, his crew and remaining patron for being so ruthless with the dishes. I've not seen a restaurant muck up so badly ever. And I will not live if I see another one go down in such a rush. So if you go there, tread with caution.

Gazebo: Near Dhow palace, Bur Dubai. Good. Not Great.

Beirut @ Sheikh Zayed Rd: Not Good. Definitely not great

Leary @ Al Ras: whoever thought restaurants need good location, should've stuck to being a real estate agent. This place is frequented by taxi drivers, expat labor and some banker type public in the know. it has amazing briyani. the best outside one small restaurant a friend took me to in Hyderabad (i know that's a cliche, but you can ask Ajit for the name of the place, it is near the charminar and I was there in 1997 - while arranging for a sales conference)

Chicken Tikka @ various places: Likable food, specially their haleem, which has great taste and texture. And very easy on the wallet

Lunch Buffet @ Radisson Creek Side. Good Looks, No Soul.

Lunch Buffet @ Atlantis: Nice. Specially their Med selection. But sushi gets over fast, so have that first. And avoid the Indian food. The left overs are deep frozen and then served after a week.

Traveller Tip: Avoid Buffets: they always contain portions of leftovers, which are mixed with some (more likley not) fresh preparation. Leads to flatulence.

Antique Bazaar @ four point sheraton, bank Street: Can go. They make amazingly lovely chicken, which is a good way to go, if the only other alternate is landing between two halves of a bun.

So these are the places, I've been to apart from a few unmentionables.

The hunt is on for ...the truth is out there.

Next up: travel in Yemen, Egypt and Myanmar

movie review - rab ne bana di jodi

KYUN? WHY? KENAPA? WIE ( or the german equivalent of why)? Y?

There was a time when people my age would've loved this movie. That was around 1993-96, usually for the late night show, after a couple of joints, a lassie (the drink and not the dog) and bread omelette. The colourful palette of the movie is tailor made for magic mushrooms and a bit of mary jane.
So this time around, sitting in a multiplex, a tepid pepsi to take me on a wild trip to the loo, there are few things worse that i can come up with to compare this movie.

and why is everyone dressing up in multicolor clothes? is rainbow the new black?

movie review - ghajini

Remember Dec 25th. I will. I watched Ghajini. And how I regret it

Few will stand up against Aamir Khan's snarling countenance and I'm sure fewer could survive his BO., but frankly, I went in with a lot of hope and came back with much pain.

So what's with the movie? Nothing much except Aamir's body worship. If Dostana had John Abrahim and his gluets and pecs, Ghajini has Aamirs torso.

The story line has been inspired by Memento but lacks any credibility.

This is a Tamil movie, with action scenes which can be digested by a gentry nursed on Rajni and brought up on Ajith. Breaking bones, cracking skulls never made a good sound track. But then we have given up Mallikarjun Mansoor for Mallika Sherawat, so does it matter

Again its a wonder that the censor board, allowed for this movie to go without a rating which would've kept the kids at bay. Instead scores of kids have watched this breakbonedance and in not very distant future we shall hear of kids getting into fights and inflicting injuries ala Mr Sanjay Singhania. From the actor who gave us Taare Zameen Par, a bit of moral rectitude would've been expected, but clearly commercial priorities must have ruled over the humanitarian

The ladies in the movie have little to do. Asin does the life and times of a never crowned Miss India, rescuing handicapped kids with nuns, an old and blind man and some teenage girls. She looked pretty just around the time she was walking with a dagger in her back. Jiah Khan looked pretty - glamorous for a medical student. She must have paid her way in the entrance exam.

Everyone I talked to on this movie, numbering 2, said the movie was awesome. This could be due to limited vocabulary of the 19-25 age group, from SEC B class towns. There wasn't much scope for sampling error due to small size of the sample.

So watch it, if you like to play Doom or CS as it now called. I threw up the last time I played Doom in 1996 which was the only time I've played it. I threw up after watching Ghajini. And I've no good news to share.